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Today we will get personal a little and explore what angers me most. I guess you can say this is my first angry rant. You'd be right on that. Today we rant about my least favorite non-reboot film of all time: The Blair Witch Project.

Sucky Plot

This movie follows a bunch of not-very-intelligent documentary filmmakers. They are making a film about the legend of the Blair Witch. They talk to a bunch of stupid locals that have no idea what they're talking about, and then go to some seemingly random forest in the middle of nowhere for no reason. Then they get lost, hear some creepy sounds at night, run around screaming for no reason and say "fuck" about three billion times. One goes missing, the rest go looking for him, find an abandoned house and they all die. The Fucking End

Execution

Here's where the movie screwed up.The movie is filmed with camcorders. That would be fine if they didn't use the lowest quality cameras possible. Even when the camera is still, its hard to see whats going on. When they move you might as well not even look at the screen. In fact, don't look at the screen when they move. You'll get motion sickness. That is, if you didn't vomit already watching this load of crap. The audio is way too good for the shitty cameras, picking up faint sounds in the distance with ease. All of these things would be forgivable if the the acting and storytelling was worthwhile, but both fall short. The acing sucks ass and the film has little to no storytelling. The only thing this movie has is suspense, but suspense is supposed to culminate into a big climax or reveal but we don't get either. we get a half-assed ending that makes little to no sense and is completely anti-climatic. If there was a good glimpse of the Witch at the end, the film would be worth watching to get to that epic reveal that the whole movie was hinting at the whole time. But we didn't, and the movie sucks.

SFX

TROLOLOLOL!!!! There fucking isn't any!!!!!!

Afterword

I'm finally done with this piece of shit. 0/10. Never watch this movie. If you already have seen it, I'm sorry i didn't warn you in time. Just stay as far away from it as possible. My head hurts. I need to lay down for a while... Have a good day... ugh...
Johnos's Video Rants The Blair Witch Project Review12:39

Johnos's Video Rants The Blair Witch Project Review

the uncensored video companion

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