Hello again empire! Been a while hasn't it? Today we look at one of the many terrible movies made by the mentally unstable director M Night Not Even Going To Try His Last Name. Since the statistics show that my last angry review was one of my most popular works, I thought I'd do another one for old times' sake. Lets get into it. But first: WARNING: incredibly severe language throughout
Everyone starts mysteriously killing themselves in massive numbers at the same time. The symptoms are as follows: 1. confused or garbled speech. 2. complete shut down of mental function. 3. suicide by most convenient means. 4. M Night Shamallamading-dong makes tons of money because the trailers looked cool. We follow a science teacher and his girlfriend/wife/not really defined what they are. They have to protect the daughter of the teacher guy's buddy, and eventually have to adopt her cuz her dad dies in one of the worst special effects in the movie. Anyway, the science teacher is always trying to figure it all out like he's so involved. But then he finds out that the plants did it.
(and now the cursing starts) What the FUCK!!! Are you kidding me? Is that the best he came up with? I mean seriously, how in the fuck did he think he could get away with that? Aliens, fine, its sci-fi. Monsters turning out to be people in suits keeping superstitious village folk from leaving, a bit of a cop-out, but still understandable. But plants? Come on! That doesn't even remotely make any fucking sense! More on that later. Anyway, shit happens, people who have no purpose get brutally murdered by some crazy redneck in a shed, they find a creepy old lady(sound like a new M Night movie coming out soon?) and they survive the last of the genocidal plant farts. The End. Except no. They then focus on a news thing on the tv and they're questioning why it only happened in America and if it will happen again somewhere else. Meanwhile in a park in France...
What I Thought
The idea is retarded and the director is now already an annoying has-been. It was supposed to have an environmental message, but that still doesn't make it any better. In fact, said message seems out of place and kind of tacked on. M Night said he wanted to go for a "Hard R Rating" on the movie. With all of the last-second cuts away from gory dismemberment, not showing the people actually killing themselves, only their corpses, no cursing, and no sexual content. Oh yeah. Real "Hard R" Mr. Shyamaladumbass. The only scene in which we see anything deserving of an R rating is the scene with the crazy redneck in the shed. The two obnoxious kids scream obscenities at the guy to give them food for the little girl. The redneck then blows both of them away with a shotgun. That is the entire reason this movie was even considered for an R rating. "Hard R". Bull shit. And we need not talk any more about the silent but deadly plant farts. I think I covered that pretty well. This guy needs to know when to stop. Its not even funny anymore. Just stop dude.
Finally, We're Done With This Shit
Shitty movie. i give it a 2/10, just because good ol' Marky Mark Walburg is in it. Well thats it. My triumphant return to writing. I'll do some more things this weekend if I get the chance, and I even have a few videos planned for my YouTube because I've neglected that just as long as I have this Wiki. With that I'm out. Good night... but wait, whats this...
no... No! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!