Hello again Empire! It has been a while, but I'm back and ready to fulfil an old promise. Today we look at the single solitary thing that I hate the most. The bane of my existance. The thing that makes me cry at night and ask "Why"? Thats right. Today we look at not-god Zilla. (bad pun)
Just like the last Angry review, instead of writing the plot, I'm simply going to make a list of points. Thistime however, I will be adding a + sign for positive things and a - sign for negative things. Lets get into the list.
- Bad CG
- Origin is Wrong
+ Matthew Broderick is a pretty chill guy
- Matthew Broderick's performance in this film is God Awful.
+ Freighter scene builds good tension
- Lighter scene makes no sense.
- Chernoble Earth Worms
- Protagonist has funny name as a bad running joke that poorly substitutes for character
- Protagonist's Name is not that hard to pronounce, but peope screw it up anyways
+ Name gag quickly forgotten
+ Three voice actors from The Simpsons appear in the movie
+ Another tension-building nighttime boat scene
- Protagonist's girlfriend is a total stupid bitch. And I mean a REALLY STUPID. BITCH.
+ The French guys are kinda funny. Sometimes.
- The entire rest of the cast is totally Insufferable
- That includes the so called "Godzilla". Design is totally wrong in every way
- Zilla's reveal scene makes no sense and is full of inconsistancies
- I'll put Bad CGI on here again, just to emphisise how bad it truly is
- Military full of idiots
- Siscol and Ebert jokes
+ Siscol and Ebert hated this movie too
- A lizard that big cannot just "slip away" on Manhattan Island.
- Blatant Plagerism of Jurassic Park
- Inconsistancies in the geography of Manhattan
- Godzilla dies like a BEEATCH.
- Female lead's acting is still bad.
- CGI is still bad
+ THE MOVIE FINALLY ENDS!!!!
- Didn't end sooner.
- The torture continues during the credits: Puff Daddy and Jimmy Paige ruin Led Zeppelin's Kashmir.
Final tally: +8/-22 Giving it a score of -14. HO. LY. SHIT.
What I Thought
This movie ruined my childhood. I hate it.
This movie gets a -1/10. It's bad for Godilla fans and haters alike. It's the one thing we all agree on: how bad this movie is. Thanks for viewing, I'm sorry for making you wait so long but... but...uhh...
Oh Hell No!!!