House Poster

Hello again Empire! I'm back! I recently saw a movie that needs to be addressed. So, to begin, lets start with a quick history rant. I had heard of this cult classic many times, but had no idea it was made by Toho. When you think of Toho, you immediately think of Godzilla. That's a given. Now lets factor in the fact that this is 70's Toho, which spawned the weirdest and trippiest Godzilla movies, the strangest being Godzilla's Revenge and Godzilla vs. Hedorah. Now combine the weirdness of both movies and multiply it by over 9000, remove the kaiju, and have a cast of seven (extremely hot) young ladies in a mansion, and you have House. Its pretty fucked up to say the least. Lets get into the details.


The film centers on seven girls on vacation. Their names are (no fucking joke guys) Gorgeous, (the protagonist), Kung-Fu (the martial arts master), Prof (the smart one), Meledy (the musical one), Fantasy (the daydreamer), Sweet (the clean freak), and Mac (short for Stomach, obviously a food freak). When Gorgeous's father comes home from a trip to Italy, he brings with him his new fiance, much to the displeasure of Gorgeous. Her real mother died eight years earlier, and her father decided it was time to remarry. Instead of going with them on vacation, Gorgeous decided to gather her friends and bring them to visit her Aunt, who lives alone in a mansion on a hill. On the way there, Gorgeous's cat shows up out of nowhere and joins them on the trip. Also, they run into a random creepy fat dude running a watermelon stand just down the road fron the mansion. Not too much happens with him until later. Once at the mansion, they are greeted by Auntie, who we later find out is the most hilarious villain in history, constantly teasing Fantasy, who nobody believes, and winking at the camera afterwards. She was breaking fourth walls before Deadpool was even created. Also, why am I spoiling this knowledge so early? Because once Auntie starts being evil, the film turns into a psychedelic mess. Its just pure insanity. All that I got out of it is that Auntie possesses Gorgeous, and the house starts attacking everybody. Also, while shit is going down hardcore, The girl's handsome school teacher is trying to find the house and rescue them. In his driving about, he comes across the Watermelon Guy. He tries to sell him a watermelon, but the teacher says he prefers bananas. The salesman (NO FUCKING JOKE PEOPLE!) turns into a pile of bones and a floating skull. The teacher then climbs back in his car and turns into a pile of bananas. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK TOHO?!!! After everyone in the house is dead, we get one last scene, Gorgeous's new stepmother shows up at the mansion. Gorgeous greets her, and invites her in. They sit facing each other for a moment. Then Gorgeous uses her ghost powers to set her stepmom on fire. THE END. Holy fuck...

What I Thought

This movie is amazingly hilarious. It may seem random, but actually everything is well thought out and put together. The cinematography is unique, showing a wide shot of the characters in the room with close-ups of the characters talking placed in circles across the middle, for example. The practical effects are what you'd expect from 70's Toho, a bit cheesy, but the hand-drawn animation effects surprisingly work better in this surreal world. Another nice touch is that there are no natural backgrounds. They are all distorted and cartoony matte paintings. The characters have amazing chemistry, and perform very well. By far my favorite characters are Auntie and Kung-Fu. They kick so much ass! All that remains is the music. The soundtrack uses a few piano melodies, as well as a few songs similar in style to The Beatles, which is a great fit since they focused more on Trippy-Hippy stuff in the 70's. One last observation is how similar this feels to The Beatles' own film Yellow Submarine. The animated segments of House are strikingly similar, as well as the seemingly random and psychedelic elements.


Great movie to watch with friends! I give it an 8.5/potato. Why? Don't even try asking. Its beyond me at this point. Anyways, I'm going to return to YouTube now, as I have a few unfinished projects that need finishing today. Expect new videos within a few days. Until then, have a trippy day!